


Always Forever.

by HONGCULTZ



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: M/M, mingi is his sweet bf that just wants to help :(, yunho has anxiety and depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:26:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27111904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HONGCULTZ/pseuds/HONGCULTZ
Summary: As Yunho sat against the bathroom door, he sobbed. He just wanted it to be over, the constant fear when he left his home, the thoughts telling him to hurt himself so that he wouldn’t be so focused on his pain. He couldn’t tell Mingi- he didn’t want to worry him over something so trivial as anxiety. He was just a weak little boy, Mingi needed a strong man.
Relationships: Song Mingi/Jeong Yunho
Comments: 2
Kudos: 36





	Always Forever.

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this story because i was sad 🥺 but it’s on me cause i forgot my birth control for three days HAHAHA. endometriosis is a bitch. anyways the title of the fic is a song by cults. its a great song!! i also suggest putting on a sad indie playlist or something, to really get into your feels. 
> 
> ⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️   
> this series deals with anxiety and depression. this also dips into self harm, panic attacks, and the neglect of taking ones medication. these topics can be sensitive, so if you are triggered easily, please leave. 🥺

All it took for Yunho’s day to be ruined was stepping outside, where all the people were. Too many sounds, too many smells. It’s too loud, too much for him. But he had to pick up dinner, as Mingi had requested. Why couldn’t he have gone, why did Yunho have to go instead? Because Mingi didn’t feel good, he couldn’t go out. Not with a pandemic wreaking havoc on the world. 

He could feel himself begin to panic, to feel the walls close around him until all he could see was his own feet.  _ It’s okay, you’re okay Yunho. No one is going to hurt you. Just breathe, focus on your breathing.  _ It was too late. He was having a full blown panic attack in public. Calm as he may have looked outwards, he was a complete wreck inwards. It took all of his strength to pick up the food and hurry back to his home where he was safe and no one could hurt him again. 

As he walked through the threshold of their home, he practically threw the food at Mingi, and mumbled something about needing a shower as an excuse. He slammed the bathroom door and turned the shower on, leaving it freezing cold so that he could cry. 

As Yunho sat against the bathroom door, he sobbed. He just wanted it to be over, the constant fear when he left his home, the thoughts telling him to hurt himself so that he wouldn’t be so focused on his pain. He couldn’t tell Mingi- he didn’t want to worry him over something so trivial as anxiety. He was just a weak little boy, Mingi needed a strong man. 

He could barely control the sobs that wracked his body and caused him to heave so hard he could barely catch a breath before another ugly wail left him. It took everything in him to not grab for the razor blades he kept hidden from Mingi. He grabbed at his hair and pulled on it so hard a few silvery strands fell to the floor and stuck to his jeans. 

Yunho couldn’t live like this, he couldn’t handle it anymore. He wanted the hurt to stop, he wanted the thoughts to go away. He wanted Mingi to tell him it was going to be okay, but it wasn’t that simple. He had never told him about his anxiety. How it had caused him to be so depressed that he wanted to die on a regular basis. 

“Yunho?” Mingi’s soft voice could be heard on the other side of the door, and Yunho flinched. He clamped his hands over his mouth as another sob shook his body. He desperately hoped that Mingi didn’t hear him, but of course he did. 

“Baby, please open the door..” Yunho knew he couldn’t hide forever, so he turned the shower off and opened the door to reveal a sweater clad Mingi with worry on his face. A frown was evident as he immediately noticed the tears glistening on Yunho’s blotchy cheeks. 

“Come here.” And Yunho complied. He all but ran into Mingi’s arms as he wailed. The younger boy simply kissed the top of his head and ran his fingers through his hair. It took a few minutes before Yunho had stopped crying, and Mingi led him to the living room where their food was sitting cold. 

“What’s wrong baby?” He couldn’t answer, couldn’t tell Mingi that he wanted to hurt himself to make the anxiety go away. So that he didn’t have to cry so often, so he wouldn’t need to hide from his boyfriend. 

“Nothing.”

“Clearly it isn’t nothing. Yunho, you were crying so loud I heard you over the television. That isn’t ‘nothing’. Please tell me.”

At that point, Yunho knew he could no longer keep his secret from Mingi. How when his boyfriend was working at the coffee shop that he would cry for hours until he could no longer see past the blur in his eyes. Until his breath caught in his throat and he hyperventilated until he almost passed out. He couldn’t carry the burden anymore. 

Tentatively, Yunho reached for Mingi‘s hand and squeezed it as he took a deep breath. 

“A few years ago before we met, I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. At first...I was okay. And then, I couldn’t breathe in public. Everywhere I turned, I thought someone was going to hurt me, or scare me. That’s why I take courses online and work from home. I don’t think I can do it alone anymore…”

Mingi listened to Yunho, and as soon as he finished speaking, Mingi decided to say his two cents. 

“Why didn’t you tell me baby?”

“Because I’m a freak. I’m weak and you need a strong man.”

“Yunho, I have anxiety too, you know that. It comes with PTSD.” Tears threatened to spill from Yunho’s glossy eyes. He knew Mingi had struggled with anxiety and PTSD his whole life, he just thought he needed to be the strong one. 

“Are you taking medicine?” He shook his head at the question. 

“I uh...I hid my pills.” 

Mingi knew all too well why Yunho had hid his meds. He himself had done it many times before when he thought he felt better, that he no longer needed them. As soon as he stopped taking them, the panic came back. The thoughts telling him that the people around him hated him and ridiculed him behind his back. The very thoughts that convinced him that Yunho was just using him, that he no longer loved him. It was ironic, because Yunho was the one that convinced him to take his medicine again. 

It had gotten so bad for him that he was hospitalised for a suicide attempt. It broke Yunho’s heart to see Mingi laying in that bed, asleep after his stomach had been pumped, and the pills he overdosed on gone from their home. So it was surprising to Mingi that Yunho had not been taking his medicine. 

“You can’t protect me if you don’t take your medicine, baby. We both need to be on pills, or this isn’t going to work and you know that. We  _ have _ to take care of each other. Where did you put the medicine?” 

Yunho shook his head and let go of Mingi’s hand, burying his head in his palms between his knees. Unfortunately, Mingi would not be taking a simple shake of the head for an answer. 

“If you don’t tell me, I’ll find them myself.” 

Yunho nodded and mumbled something about them being hidden behind the toiletries, so Mingi went to fetch them. A sense of dread washed over him as he picked up a small jewellery box, and flipped it open to reveal two pristine razor blades. They never had blades like these in the house for reasons pertaining to Mingi’s hospital stay a year before. Quietly, he disposed of them and quickly made his way back to Yunho’s side. The blades would be a conversation for another day. 

Mingi sat back down with the unopened bottle of medicine and a fresh glass of ice water. Silently, he slid the items to Yunho, and the older man shook his head again. He didn’t want to take them, he didn’t want to face the music. That he was failing without his medicine and therapy. 

“Please,  _ for me. _ ” Yunho nodded, and lifted his head to show the tears on his face as he popped the cap open, threw a pill in his mouth and gulped down the freezing cold water. When he was done, he opened his mouth for Mingi to inspect so he could make sure he wasn’t going to spit the pill back out. 

“I’m proud of you.” The younger boy pecked Yunho’s lips and pulled him into a hug, dragging the poor man onto his body as he flipped on the television and set the channel on a nature documentary. Yunho loved animals, and documentaries about them always cheered him up, albeit he often cried while watching them. 

“It’s going to be okay, Yunho. I’ll be here every step of the way.” Mingi mumbled into his shoulder, and pressed a loving kiss to the side of his neck. 

“Always and forever.”

He truly believed that Mingi would be with him forever. 

**Author's Note:**

> ah, i hope i portrayed those correctly. while i suffer from every condition and illness mentioned in this fic, i have a hard time explaining my emotions yanno? so its hard for me to explain their emotions if you catch my drift. 
> 
> on a happier note, if you would like to request a story, please let me know! my email is arloxcx@gmail.com & my instagram is @ceegotnugs . alternatively, my amino is @hibikixo .


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